Two Glasses

I'm going to meet a friend at a Thai restaurant  for dinner. I'm not going to have a plum wine when I get there. I'm feeling pretty pissed off about this. This is the first time I've felt angry about not drinking. I had a blood sugar crash earlier today, and then a stupid argument with my husband before I left. I just want to zone out and get a little dopamine boost.

I would like to pick this apart and figure out that my desire isn't really about the alcohol, but I'm not sure I can do that right now. I know that the alcohol would make me feel a lot better. I would probably also be fine stopping at two glasses of wine, knowing that I have to drive home. I might stop on my way home for more wine, and have a few more glasses at home. It would probably be too much. I would wake up feeling disappointed in myself. And so would begin the cycle again. It's not worth it. I wish I were the type of person who could just have the two glasses and that were the end of my story. But, I suppose if I were that type of person I wouldn't want to those two glasses so badly right now.