The Summer I Quit Drinking
Someday, I am going to look back at 2017 and remember THIS is the summer I quit drinking. This is the summer I quit feeling guilty. The summer I stopped living in self-loathing and gave control of my life to God instead of alcohol. That's an amazing thing to look forward to.
Last night was tough. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt uncomfortable, I couldn't stop thinking about drinking/not drinking. I didn't sleep well. But I made it, and now it has been 9 days. Tomorrow will be 10 - double digits!
I've gone this long without drinking before, but, when I think about it, I realize I've always used something to control my feelings. When I abstained from drinking in the past, I took a small dose of Ativan here and there to calm down. I'm not doing that now, and it's very different having to feel your feelings as they come, instead of intervening in some way.
It has been a real revelation to me that I've used alcohol and other substances not just to numb my emotions, but to control my feelings, environment, and experiences. Feeling anxious? Take a little Ativan. Feeling worried? Have some drinks. Feeling bored? More drinks. Vacation? Must enjoy. Drinks, drinks, drinks! I have to learn to live through the feelings and watch them go by. I'm excited to learn that.
Last night was tough. My heart was beating out of my chest, I felt uncomfortable, I couldn't stop thinking about drinking/not drinking. I didn't sleep well. But I made it, and now it has been 9 days. Tomorrow will be 10 - double digits!
I've gone this long without drinking before, but, when I think about it, I realize I've always used something to control my feelings. When I abstained from drinking in the past, I took a small dose of Ativan here and there to calm down. I'm not doing that now, and it's very different having to feel your feelings as they come, instead of intervening in some way.
It has been a real revelation to me that I've used alcohol and other substances not just to numb my emotions, but to control my feelings, environment, and experiences. Feeling anxious? Take a little Ativan. Feeling worried? Have some drinks. Feeling bored? More drinks. Vacation? Must enjoy. Drinks, drinks, drinks! I have to learn to live through the feelings and watch them go by. I'm excited to learn that.
Comments
Post a Comment